All Hail The Maddest, Baddest Bovine Ever to Break The Bank at the MGM Grand….Me!
Well, I haven’t seen a one-sided televised beating like Vitali Klitschko vs. Sam Peter since the Rodney King video. Peter was never in the fight and seemed resigned to his fate from the moment he and Vitali were engaged in the girly she-fight over who gets to hold the title belt.
The only thing worthwhile about the whole event was Klitschko’s entrance, which featured holograms of past champions George Foreman, Joe Frazier, Lennox Lewis, Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield giving Vitali words of wisdom. Not to be outdone, Peter should’ve had his own holographic hall of wisdom with the likes of Bruce Seldon, Sultan Ibragimov and Tommy Morrison. They could’ve offered up such wisdom as: “Try to fall down in the center of the ring- its softer,” “If things are going badly in the first half of the fight, just stop throwing punches and think happy thoughts,” and “If you’re gonna do some post-fight partying, don’t forget to use a condom.”
With a Vitali win, I will now look into my crystal ball: I see fights postponed due to injury and many interim champions in our future…
This sorry spectacle just reminded me of how awful the Heavyweight division has become. As a symbol of my disgust, tomorrow I will step out onto the street and punch the first fat guy I see.
On the other hand, Chad Dawson showed what a fine athlete in his prime looks like. He was sharp, motivated and hungry (But not Sam Peter, Big Mac hungry). For his part, Antonio Tarver fought with dignity as well. There’s no shame in being older and slower than your opponent. Everyone will eventually fight someone who is simply younger and sharper than him (Except Joe Calzaghe, of course). A shameful performance is one where the fighter comes in out of shape and looks to rob the fans of a good contest. Tarver did neither and lost like a real elder statesman- passing the torch to a younger fighter after a spirited effort.
Right now, I’d just like to send a shout out to Denise Tarver: “What’s up girl? You looked outstanding last night. What does an overweight, middle-aged man with a bad liver have to do to get your attention? Look me up if you want the best 3 minutes of your life…
Peter Manfredo and Sakio Bika will be fighting on November 13th for the meaninglessly computerized IBO belt. The card’s name is “Tough and Tested,” which is odd until you realize that the promoter had to scramble for a name since their first choice, “Dumb and Dumber,” was already taken.
Bernard Hopkins has been relatively respectful before his fight next week with Kelly Pavlik. This could either mean that Pavlik’s in for a tough time or that B-Hop has simply exhausted his share of nastiness and we’re seeing the beginning of a kinder, gentler Executioner. I suspect the former. Hopkins will be nasty and dirty right up until they’re putting his elderly corpse into the ground.
From the “Who Gives a Crap?” files: A rumored fight between James Toney and Tony Thompson is supposedly being negotiated as we speak. I can think of nothing less appealing than a fat, short Heavyweight who throws no punches going up against a tall, lumbering Heavyweight who also can’t pull the trigger. I think this is a way to give the guys at Compubox a nice night off- The punch output totals should be single-digit all night long.
Zab Judah, everyone’s favorite underachieving Welterweight whipping boy is considering a move back down to 140 lbs. This is good news for the other Jr. Welters out there- Now they get their very own attention-grabbing stepping stone. The losers in this are Margarito, Williams and Mosley, who didn’t get their chance to beat up on “Super Stupid” Judah yet. Oh well, at least they still have Kermit Cintron.
Ok, guys, I have a lovely young lady coming over right now, so I have to cut this short. If I’m late for our “date” I get charged an extra hour…I’ll talk to all you Boxing junkies next Sunday.