The Standing 8 Count (11/02/08)

by Madcow

Another hung-over Sunday with more egg on my face than when I passed out at the Circus Circus Breakfast Buffet. Vic Darchinyan, the baddest Armenian on the planet, beat up, punked-out and got rid off Pound 4 Pound darling, Cristian Mijares. I don’t know if it was a question of Mijares taking him lightly or of Darchinyan improving his ring style, but what was clear was that we saw a major league ass-whupping.

I was asking myself before the fight, just how many so-called Boxing experts had actually seen Mijares fight before putting him on their Pound 4 Pound lists? Probably not many, so, for those who hadn’t seen him fight before- the fight on Saturday was not at all representative of how Mijares usually fights. i.e. He usually doesn’t get his ass beat.

This coming Saturday’s Celebrity Boxing Showdown between Joe Calzaghe and Roy Jones is sure to set records. I wonder what the world record is for requested refunds from a PPV show?

With all the slapping and pecking that’s sure to take place in Calzaghe vs. Jones, the fights gonna look more like a riot at a Clay Aiken concert than a professional prize fight. I’d be willing to bet that there won’t be more than 3 meaningful punches, total, per round.

If you just have 6 months to live, I recommend you buying the Calzaghe/Jones fight. Those 36 minutes will seem like a week and a half.

Wladimir Klitschko found a suitable substitute for Alexander Povetkin on December 13th- Hasim Rahman. Somebody has to really explain the actual definition of “Suitable Substitute” to the Klitschko camp. For crissake, Rahman was the guy who quit against James Toney and then whined his way to a No Contest…How did he get this break? Well, maybe the guy’ll get lucky and bring home the belt…The reign of King Rahman II…Yikes!

Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. headlined a PPV against Minnesota’s toughest high school janitor, Matt Vanda. This same PPV featured 3 other virtually meaningless, one-sided bouts. Who said the economy was bad? If this show had more than 25,000 buys, we need to up everyone’s taxes because, obviously, too many people have too much money to throw away.

People are calling for sanctions against Bute vs. Andrade ref, Marlon B. Wright after the disgusting job he did in officiating that bout. What was more disgusting is that the guy couldn’t even cheat right. His push to save Bute came after the bell, when Bute was already up. So, what he did was totally pointless. There’s nothing worse than a stupid crook- If you’re gonna rob someone, at least be smart about it.

Antonio Margarito vs. Shane Mosley looks like a possibility after all. Here’s hoping we get at least one decent Welterweight fight next year because, from the looks of things, nobody’s planning on fighting in ’09. They’re either all waiting to get the call from Oscar De la Hoya or Floyd Mayweather or they’ve suddenly become Buddhist monks.

Speaking of “He of the Golden Fishnets,” Oscar’s “big” news last week was the addition of Angelo Dundee to his corner. Whoopee! The biggest story coming from this piece of news is how Oscar is going to go about making the ring wheelchair accessible.

There will be a “big” Heavyweight double-header taking place this week in China as Andrew “The Ball Punisher” Golota takes on Ray “Please Don’t Hit Me in the Balls” Austin and Jameel “The Recline” McCline fat-dances with “Mr. Who?” Mike Mollo. This may be George Bush’s last push for world domination before he’s out of office- Put the Chinese to sleep with these fugly duds…then send in the troops for any easy win…and all the Sweet and Sour Chicken we can eat! USA! USA! USA!

Well, that’s all for this week. I gotta go and drop off some used Chinese food in my toilet and check up on the latest 4 month old news from Ring Magazine…apparently Cotto and Margarito are gonna fight! I wonder who’s gonna win?

Later, Gators…

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