The Standing 8 Count (11/09/08)

madcow111by Madcow

I’ll kick this off quickly because I’ve got a pizza on the way:

What do Roy Jones and John Lennon have in common? They were both shot in New York. [Ouch! I almost censored that one- Paul]

Jones has been shot, or done, finished, finito, “stick a fork in his ass” over since 2003. What was the point of having him beaten up on Worldwide TV? Was building up Joe Calzaghe‘s padded record worth the humiliation of a one-time legend? I hope everyone got paid real well because this whole farce was sickening from the pre-fight hype that made this fight seem almost legit right down to the one-sided beat down of a guy who simply couldn’t defend himself anymore.

On a related note- Next week I will be fighting Muhammad Ali to become the new “Greatest of All-Time” and the following week I’ll be playing a game of fast pitch against 77 year old Willie Mays to determine the best baseball player in history.

Last Night Calzaghe proved that he could beat a faded and shot former champion- Congratulations. Now, maybe he’ll take his smug puss and Oscar De la Hoya’s magazine championship and just go away.

Now, will people please stop talking about how good Emanuel Augustus is? Augustus got beat by “El Gato” Figueroa on the Jones-Calzaghe undercard for loss #30. After losing 30 of about 70 fights, you have to admit that maybe the problem is you- You’re either not good enough to win or not smart enough to pick the right fights. It’s not a matter of “When he’s motivated, he’s world-class.” The truth about Augustus is that he’s just good enough to lose respectfully and little more.

Zab Judah beat journeyman Ernest Johnson on the same undercard. The only problems? Neither fighter could make the 140 limit, so the bout was officially at Welterweight and, besides that, Judah looked as sloppy and unfocused as usual. So… Judah’s Jr. Welter comeback was neither a comeback nor a Jr. Welterweight bout.

Telefutura announced that they were yanking the plug on their Solo Boxeo series, which was one of the better boxing shows in existence. I’m sure going to miss the between-rounds commercials for Mexican soap operas and badly-dubbed B-level American action movies.

David Haye, in preparation for his November 15th fight with Monte Barrett, is going old-school and abstaining from sexual activity with his wife. It’s a tough sacrifice to make, but not too hard considering that, as soon as he gets hit with a legit Heavyweight punch, Mr. Haye will be royally fucked.

It looks as though Shane Mosley vs. Antonio Margarito is nearly a done deal for January 24th. From all reports, the only thing missing is Margarito’s scraggly “X” on the dotted line. Margarito will apparently sign the contract as soon as he finishes his “Why doesn’t anyone know who I am yet?” World Tour.

I never thought I’d say this, but I sure do miss Floyd Mayweather. I may have not agreed with who he fought, but at least he fought. This current crop of Welterweights is about as motivated as a crew of veteran teamsters on a movie set.

Speaking of motivation, have you seen anyone more motivated than Vic Darchinyan? The little guy’s been calling everyone out and actually meaning it. Whether it be Nonito Donaire, Jorge Arce or Fernando Montiel I believe Darchinyan would fight all of them in the same week if they wanted. I wish other fighters had his attitude.

De la Hoya vs Pacquiao Update: With just under a month to go before the “big” showdown between Oscar de la Hoya and Manny Pacquiao… I still don’t care. This baloney-encrusted waste of time holds about as much interest for me as the Mini-Me Sex Tape.

Before I go I have to make an announcement: Due to popular demand, I will be writing another semi-regular column for this blog focusing on the many e-mails I get, which is currently about a 30-70 split betweem fan mail and hate mail/death threats. I finally got my own e-mail, so that my jefe, Paul, can stop being swamped with spell-check exploding, poorly-worded “screw you” messages.

Send your e-mails with questions or comments to:

No subject is taboo and I will answer everything as honestly as a cigar-smoking, Jack Daniels-drinking whore monger can. The chosen e-mails will be featured on the brand, spankin’ new semi-regular column: Madcow’s Mail Sack. Fire away guys.

Until next time, sees ya when I sees ya…Now, where the hell’s my pizza?


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