The Standing 8 Count (11/16/08)

by Madcow

All Hail Me- the maddest, baddest bovine to ever go ’round the world twice in one hour without ever leaving his hotel room!

Last night Jermain Taylor won a lopsided decision over Jeff Lacy in a battle between two of Boxing’s madcow112biggest child-men. The title of that card should’ve been “Arrested Development” because it was full of some of Boxing’ dumbest, most unteachable goofballs- Taylor, Lacy, Kermit Cintron, Allan Green, Chazz Witherspoon. The combined intelligence of these 5 lunk-heads is enough to make the case for future stem-cell research. Maybe, some day, we’ll find the cure for fighters who simply can’t remember fundamental Boxing technique.

David Haye passed his first Heavyweight test against Monte Barrett. Upon first viewing, this was an impressive peformance but then I realized that even I looked impressive when I video taped myself slapping around one of my piss-drunk drinking buddies. Lets see what Haye does against someone who wasn’t KO’d in 2 by Cliff Couser.

Hayemaker promotions should’ve paid Barrett a little extra for falling flat on his face while trying to jump the ropes in his entrance. That was the highlight of Barrett’s fight and the only thing compelling about his entire performance.

The Boxing world is still waiting for Antonio Margarito to put his Juan Hancocko on the contract to fight Shane Mosley. If anyone has seen Margarito, please contact Top Rank; Bob Arum is very concerned. Margarito is Mexican, slightly under 6 ft tall, 147 lbs, medium complexion and, oh yeah, everyone’s “afraid” to fight him…

And, along the same lines, will someone please fight Paul Williams? I can’t stand his whining anymore so somebody please throw a million-dollar payday his way.

Williams, if he’s serious about getting a big payday, should do what a normal fighter with proper managemnt would do- fight anyone and everyone in order to build a name, even if he has to fight an entire legion of scrubs. This did wonders for Joe Calzaghe and even earned him a spot in the Hall of Fame. I wonder what Tocker Pudwill is up to these days?

Coming off of his slap-happy beat-down, Roy Jones is placing the blame for his loss on his cut man. Very, very weak. The only people, aside from Jones himself, responsible for his loss are Antonio Tarver and Glen Johnson, for scrambling his neurons and his father, Roy Jones Sr., for not making him learn some fundamentals for when his speed was gone.

Ricky Hatton vs. Paulie Malignaggi is next week, but before we let the hype envelope us, lets remember that Hatton prefers to hold rather than fight while Malignaggi prefers to run. The only challenge involved in this bout will be the challenge to stay awake past the 8th.

If I were Malignaggi’s trainer I’d recommend him to cover his entire body with KY lubricant so that when Hatton grasps at him hungrily, Paulie will just slip away.

All set for Oscar De la Hoya vs. Manny Pacquiao? Yeah, me neither.

Just when the WBO was making strides to become more legitimate (as legitimate as an alphabet soup organization can be, anyway), they make the beyond-questionable ruling to make Don King‘s newly-signed Marco Antonio Barrera their #1 rated Lightweight. I wonder how much this cost King? I wonder how much it would cost to make me their #1 ranked Bantamweight?

As a favor to the bossman and administrator of this blog and the accompanying message board, Paul Magno, I promised to remind everyone that the Boxing Times Blue Corner is changing homes and becoming simply the BTBC. The change takes place tonight, officially at midnight. Give it a try. It really is a damn good board and Paul works very hard at keeping the joint jumping. I haven’t seen someone work so hard for free since I worked my entire Junior and Senior years of High School to get to 3rd base with a slightly pudgy Jessica Strutton.

The new location of the BTBC message board is:

Ok, Kiddies, that’s all for me this week. This Bovine Casanova is off to do nasty things with bad, bad girls… See ya next week.


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