The Standing 8 Count (11/23/08)

by Madcow

The Madcow is back for another action-packed round full of low blows and cheap shots.

Ricky Hatton sure beat the snot out of the “Magic Man” Paulie Malignaggi last night. It was a madcow113surprisingly one-sided beat down and, best of all, it gave hope to all red-faced drunks everywhere. I know I will look at Hatton as a source of inspiration everytime I guzzle down a pint of my favorite ale and shove a greasy piece of fried food down my throat.

What’s next for Hatton? A massive payday against his bossman, Oscar De la Hoya as Hatton becomes the latest step on Oscar’s road to destroying his own legacy.

What’s next for Malignaggi? Versus, Shobox or a hosting gig at the Olive Garden.

Now that we’re somewhat on the subject, what’s the deal with UK fighters and rabbit-punching? We saw it in the Hatton fight and in the David Haye and Joe Calzaghe fights. These Brits sure like to smack people behind the head. If someone can figure out why a shot to the base of the skull is part of their game plan, please let me know.

Antonio Margarito has become the most deadly boxer at 147. Not because of his in-ring abilities, but because of his utter inability to actually sign his name on a contract to fight. Last week, Margarito passed on yet another big fight when he turned down 2 million dollars to fight Shane Mosley in January. That’s three big fights that Margarito has turned down in his 4 month reign as King of the Welters. Paul Williams, Joshua Clottey and Shane Mosley should just go about their business as if Margarito never existed. Otherwise, the Tijauna Tornado’s reluctant warrior act will destroy Boxing’s best division.

Speaking of Williams, he takes a crack at a title at 154 this coming weekend when he goes up against the elderly Verno Pillips. The bad news for Williams? Even if he wins the strap, he’ll find a Jr. Middleweight division even more devoid of a big money fight for him than 147.

Chris Arreola will be taking on Travis Walker on next week’s Williams/Phillips undercard. Arreola is probably Boxing’s hungriest young fighter…Hungry for pizza, hungry for Ding Dongs, hungry for Babrbecue Pork Skins…etc. Rumor has it that Arreola’s heavy bags are filled with the cream from thousands of Twinkies.

Lennox Lewis nixed rumors of a potential comeback this week. The rumors originated from the Vitali Klitschko camp because, quite obiously, Lewis is the only fight that Vitali wants to make. Klitschko needs to decide on whether he’s a real, pro fighter or a professional Lennox hunter. He’s the WBC champ and should be at least pretending to care about the title.

Celestino Caballero did to Steve Molitor what every visiting fighter has to do when stepping into Europe, Asia or Canada- starch his opponent and take him out, leaving nothing for the judges and ref to screw with. The Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen-skinny Caballero attacked Molitor like the Canadian champ had stolen his sandwich. Caballero vs. Israel Vazquez will be awesome if it ever happens.

If there is any doubt that the Heavyweight division is on death’s door, just take a gander at the grim reaper death roll of fighters making their comebacks: Evander Holyfield, Riddick Bowe, Frans Botha, Michael Grant, Bruce Seldon. Sounds more like the roster for some lame 90’s video game than a list of still-active fighters. Sadly, these guys will hang on until someone can tear them to shreds and, also sadly, the current crop of heavies aren’t even good enough to do that.

Authorities in Wales are reportedly considering erecting a statue to  Joe Calzaghe. Ironically, the monument will be erected in the same park where many of Joe’s opponents currently sleep. Tocker Pudwill was unavailable for comment.

Well, I’m gonna do a Buddy McGirt and throw in the towel for this latest edition of The Standing 8 Count. Check in next week for our detailed preview of the “Dream Fight:” Oscar De la Hoya vs. Manny Pacquiao…yeah, right.


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