The Standing 8 Count (12/21/08)

by Madcow

HO HO HO!!! Santa Madcow is here to deliver all the kiddies their weekly sack of bovine wisdom. As I write this, madcow117snowflakes are falling outside the window of my heavily-fortified bunker and chestnuts are roasting over an open sterno flame- It’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas.

What didn’t smell so good was the judges’ scorecards in the Evander Holyfield/Nikolay Valuev bout yesterday. Madcow’s patented “Score ‘0’ Matic” surgically-implanted brain chip had the fight scored 118-110 for the father of 11 and, actually, a case could even be made for Holyfield pitching the shutout. Instead, Valuev won a majority decision in the robbery of the year. I guess that’s what you get when you host a title fight in a neutral country like Switzerland. Maybe the judges didn’t want to take sides.

But Evander should look on the bright side. That 600K that he made is enough to pay his child support for at least a month!

For those who didn’t see the fight, I don’t want anyone to think that this was a classic…a good fight…or even a bearable fight. This abomination for the bogus WBA interim title was one of the worst fights of the year. With minute upon minute of Holyfield circling, doing nothing, and Valuev waiting and doing nothing, this bout made the previous week’s Toney/Oquendo look like Vazquez/Marquez.

Rumor has it that Antonio Margarito weighed over 200 lbs at the time his fight with Shane Mosley was finally put together and that he’s still battling to get back down. With the holidays coming and many,many pesos still in his pocket, getting 100% ready for his January 24th date may be a tougher than anticipated task. Some fighters are better champions than challengers, raising the level of their game with a title belt around their waists while some get a taste of big money and big fame and let it go to their heads. Fat Tony is starting to make a case for the latter.

Talks are on their way for a title unification between Kelly Pavlik and Arthur Abraham, possibly in the Summer. With all the great fights getting made next year, my letter to Santa will be the shortest ever. Actually, my list will be reduced to just one item- my yearly request for a drunken Scarlet Johanson to be delivered to my bunker in a shopping cart full of Jack Daniels bottles.

Rumors are still swirling around about  a Floyd Mayweather Jr. comeback in 2009, probably against Manny Pacquiao. The issue, as is usually the case, will revolve around money and how of it there is to pay Mayweather. Just to facilitate negotiations, I’m organizing a crew of burglars to put together another 7 million dollar heist on Pretty Boy Floyd’s mansion. If there’s anyone who wants in, just drop me a line.

Adios Solo Boxeo. Good fights on a regular weekly schedule are hard to come by. The Telefutura show will be missed now that they aired their last show on Friday. For the last two days, I’ve found myself just staring at Mexican soap operas, shaking my head in disbelief with tears welling in my eyes. In memory of one of my favorite boxing shows, this Friday I will order-in a burrito and some tacos al pastor from my favorite Mexican restaurant. I will cry…and fart…the whole night.

Well, Santa Madcow has to deliver a package to one of his “elves” at the massage parlor, so I must cut it short for now…This week you’ll get a double dose of Madcow as I will be sending in a feature piece during the week- So you better watch out!

From the entire production staff of The Standing 8 Count (Me, My ladies and The cross-eyed homeless broad who sells me pens at the stoplight near my house), Merry X-Mas!!!

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