The Standing 8 Count (1/11/09)

by Madcow

Well, I certainly needed a break, but my poor liver hasn’t been so battered since I accidentally got locked in one of madcow111my favorite watering holes at closing time. I don’t know about you chumps, but I spent 2 cold and nasty Winter weeks in a Tropical climate getting sponge baths and happy endings from girls who wouldn’t know English from Pig Latin.

Even though I had a great time off, it was good to get back home and see some live Boxing on TV regardless of who was fighting.

The more I see of Yuriorkis Gamboa, the less I’m impressed. He’s got the raw material, but the kid is too cocky and he’s a KO of the Year ready to happen. If he fought any of the tough guys in his division he would get his head knocked back to Cuba. I’m officially off the bandwagon until he learns to keep his hands up.

The other featured fighter on the card was fellow Cuban and Gamboa teammate, Odlanier Solis. All I can say about Solis is that he’ll fit in nicely with the crop of lazy, fat American Heavyweights we have right now. The Heavyweight division needs another fatso like James Toney needs another All You Can Eat Buffet in his neighborhood.

The only one of the 3 Cubans who impressed me was Erislandy Lara and maybe that’s just because he KO’d his bum in 1 round. If he would only fight bums for the rest of his career, he’d be guaranteed of always looking impressive. Hell, it’s working for Julio Cesar Chavez Jr.

The WBO has magically made Marco Antonio Barrera their #1 contender in the Lightweight division. I say “magically” because a trip to Boxrec.com confirms that Barrera has never officiall fought at 135…so with one bogus move, the WBO magically destroyed their entire division’s credibility.

In the lower part of their Lightweight rankings, the WBO has a Filipino fighter listed by the name of Jason Pagara. Roughly translated to English, “Pagara” means, “He will pay.” I’ve never seen the kid fight, but with a name like that, I’m sure he’ll go far.

Andre Berto and Luis Collazo will be fighting in the first televised HBO bout of 2009. This is a good match-up and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Too bad only Berto’s and Collazo’s immediate family will be watching it. The ratings for this one will be horrible and HBO will feel justified in their love affair with all things “Golden.”  My prediction: Berto- Easy like Pam Anderson.

ESPN’s Friday Night Fights hired Bernard Hopkins as a semi-regular guest commentator for their shows. Great move for us fight fans who are tired of hearing Teddy Atlas speak about silent pacts and the New York Jets. When Hopkins opens up and talks about the subject of Boxing, you can understand what it felt like to get a lecture on Physics from Albert Einstein. How in the world did B-Hop ever lose to a bum like Joe Calzaghe?

It looks like David Haye will be knocked out by Wladimir Klitschko instead of Vitali Klitschko since Vitali will be busy knocking out mandatory pest Juan Carlos Gomez. Either way, it should be fun seeing Haye’s massive ego splattered all over the ring.

I’ve been getting accused of being anti-UK in this column, but there could be nothing further from the truth. It just seems to be that the UK spawns whiny, self-obsessed and overrated bums like Haye and Calzaghe. But I like Ricky Hatton and how could you dislike a guy like Carl Froch, who wants to fight everyone? And, of course, how could you dislike a people who serve a dish like Pie and mash- the most disgusting-looking but exceptionally delicious “man food” in all of Europe?

Ok, gotta shovel the snow from in front of my compound. How else are the escort services, pizza places and process servers gonna find me?

See ya next Sunday.

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