The Standing 8 Count (3/29/09)

by Madcow

I officially call to order the weekly meeting of the Fraternal Order of Madcow Nut-huggers…The Honorable Madcow D. Diggler presiding…You may take your seat.

Now, where do I start? How about Latin Fury 8, which featured 2 world class talents (Fernando Montiel, madcow112Humberto Soto) in glorified sparring matches and a main event which featured a back and forth battle between 2 glorified sparring partners (Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. and Luciano Cuello).

The only thing furious about that show was the mayor of Tijuana bragging about there not being any Baghdad-like battles in the town in over 14 months. I know Mexico very well, my knowledge only being second on The BTBC to Paul Magno himself, and I can almost promise you that a town being spared the bloodshed is a sign of that town having already fallen to the drug cartels. Take from that what you will.

After the life and death struggle with 106th ranked Cuello, Jr. and his brain trust mentioned Manny Pacquiao as a potential opponent. You’d have to go down to Strawweight before you find a world class fighter who wouldn’t make Jr. cry.

A nice opponent for Chavez  Jr. would be china-chinned Ronald Hearns. Philly-based club fighter, Harry Joe Yorgey KO’d Hearns in the 9th and basically sent “The Chosen One” back to being “That Gym Coach That’s Tommy Hearns’ Son.” Hearns must be doubting the existence of a god who would allow him to inherit his dad’s fragile chin yet none of his power.

Andre Dirrell beat the stuffing out of Fighter X on the same Showtime card as Hearns. Dirrell shows brief glimpses of young Roy Jones, but unfortunately, he has the charisma of Jermain Taylor. So, he better impress in the ring…and carrying an obviously inferior fighter with a broken nose 5 or 6 rounds is not the way to win over fans. Dirrell is probably good enough right now to beat the Lacy’s and Bika’s of the division, let’s see it.

“The Tijuana Plaster Caster” Antonio Margarito‘s stock continues to fall faster than your father’s 401k. The lab reports are in and proved conclusively that his wraps were treated with substances that add up to be plaster of paris. And, oblivious as usual, Margarito’s first reaction is to give an interview where he plots out his fight plan for the rest of the year. Either this guy is the stupidest guy in Tijuana or he is in some serious denial. Does anybody have any idea what the long-term effects are of inhaling plaster of paris?

Miguel Cotto responded to the Margarito hand wrap findings by going into a rant about how Tony deserves a lifetime ban- and he has every right to do so. His bloody beating at the hands of Margarito was as wrong and as unecessary as mine 4 years ago when I tried to defend the honor of a Mexico City stripper. At least Cotto got paid for his beating.

I’m still trying to block that sloppy excuse-for-a-boxing-match, Sam Peter vs. Eddie Chambers  from my memory. And to think, I was actually looking forward to this bout! I was watching it from a laptop in my hotel room and I had to keep checking my connection because I couldn’t believe the pace was so slow! What happened to the Heavyweights? Were they always this slow? Would a crate of Hostess products have inspired a better performance from these fatties? Let’s think of something because things are critical…

The fight I’m looking forward to next week is the Kendall Holt/Timothy Bradley title unification on Showtime. Sure, there’s a chance that this’ll turn into a boring chess match, but at least we’ll have one fewer champion; At least we actually have champions who are not dead-set on meaningless catchweight fights for short-term paydays. The winner of Holt/Bradley will be the real champ at 140.

Well, I see from my empty glass that my time’s up. Come back next week for some more gems of wisdom from Boxing’s most loveable misanthropic bovine.

If you want to argue anything I said here or you just want to debate Boxing in a strict “no retards allowed” message board, pay a visit to The BTBC:


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