The Standing 8 Count (4/5/09)

by Madcow

Yes, its Sunday and that means another addition of The Standing 8 Count, Boxing’s turd in the punch bowl. Hold your madcow11applause ’til the end.

My Saturday afternoon was to be a very nice affair. A nice, early lunch, a “high-end” lady friend and Alexander Povetkin vs. Jason Estrada to top it all off. Well, I had the lunch and the lady. Then, as I tried to take in the Heavyweight fight from Germany, sleep overtook me- Boring, safety-first plod-fests tend to have that impact on people. I tried my damndest to stay awake, but I was out like a light by the fourth. By the time I got up, my lady was gone and so was my watch, a portable dvd player and 80 bucks from the nightstand. Wilfried Sauerland, you and your boring-ass fighters owe me about 400 bucks, total! And I’d like that money before the next Nikolay Valuev fight!

Still steaming from the Sauerland-induced coma and resulting theft, I was hardly in the mood for more Boxing. But I’m sure glad I didn’t give up just yet. The rest of the evening saw 6 fights, each entertaining in their own way. By the end of the night, I had forgotten my tragic afternoon delight.

The Lightweight Lightning PPV and the Showtime Championship Boxing show proved to me once again that Boxing needn’t be just scandals surrounded by mismatches and shoved into 50 dollar PPV’s.

In a world where Jones/Sheika, Khan/Barrera and Chavez Jr./Cuello are all PPV main events and the bitter aftertaste of the Antonio Plasterito scandal is still fresh in our mouths, we needed a night like last night to cleanse our suffering palates in preperation for the quality fights to come.

Lightweight Lightning gave us 3 quality showdowns and a glimpse at the freak show called Edwin Valero. The show took care of business in telling us that: A) Julio Diaz and Jesus Chavez are finished, B) Vicente Escobedo is good, but needs the type of education fighters get from fighting guys like Carlos Hernandez and C) Valero makes Edison Miranda look like “Sweet Pea” Whitaker.

Speaking of Valero, there’s something almost sad in the way he’s been sheltered. 2-time champ or not, he needs to go to school a lot more before looking for a spot on the varsity team. Right now, he’d be little more than a light snack for guys like Juan Manuel Marquez, Nate Campbell or Manny Pacquiao.

The Showtime card featured a unification of the WBC and WBO Jr. Welterweight titles. Timothy Bradley overcame 2 bookend knockdowns and an obvious physical disadvantage to get the unanimous decision. Kendall Holt accounted for himself very well, but the li’l guy Bradley was as tenacious as those Jehovah Witnesses I locked up in my basement that one time. It’s a shame that neither fighter, unless they beat up an emaciated Oscar De la Hoya has a chance of landing a shot at the Ring Magazine and lineal champ, Ricky Hatton.

The opening bout on that Showtime card pitted Librado Andrade against Vitaly Tsypko in an IBF Super Middleweight Eliminator. IBF champ, Lucian Bute, was in the audience looking like he wanted Tsypko to win so badly. When Andrade won an easy Unanimous decision, Bute gave him the “thumbs up” and then desperately urged his assistant to send some flowers to Montreal’s resident crooked ref, Marlon B. Wright.

The long-awaited (and I mean loooong awaited) bout between Wladimir Klitschko and David Haye is finally official for June 20th. Haye had to agree to another match with the Klitschko of their choosing should he win, then a fight with the other Klitschko, then a rematch with the Klitschko who got the first bout. Also, on the contract: Haye has to fight in high-heeled KISS boots, he has to eat nothing but Spam and Yoohoo for the 6 weeks prior to the fight and he has to wear the spit bucket over his head in every even-numbered round.

A tip for you, Klit bros.: Don’t act so scared. All its gonna take is one stiff jab or the breeze from a left hook and Haye is toast…or an English Muffin, whatever the case may be.

Now its time for me to go back to my online watch shopping, but remember: Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars! or was that “Keep your knees on the bed and keep reaching for the pillow?” I can’t remember, but I guess both’ll work.


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