The Standing 8 Count (4/12/09)

by Madcow

Help yourself to another heaping dish of Madcow Stew, Boxing’s answer to 60 Minutes, minus the annoying ticking madcow111clock and hideously ugly old people.

Paul Williams did what most expected him to do, he out-worked a defense-minded Winky Wright and walked away with an easy UD. Now, the rest of Boxing and the majority of its fans will go back to doing what I expect them to do- Ignore Paul Williams.

Let’s face it, Williams won’t be getting a major fight again unless he does like he did with Margarito- stick in a weight class, become #1 contender and force the issue. Otherwise, look for him to spend the rest of his career mopping up dying stars and beating up fringe wanabe contenders.

The undercard of Williams/Wright featured Chris Arreola vs. Jameel McCline. What’s a 3-Letter word for “chubby?” Starts with an “F.” Ok, let me get this out of my system: FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FATTY, FAT, FAT!  These two chumps were huge! They looked like they were getting winded during the introductions! I hadn’t seen so many stretch marks since I accidentally got carted into the Cook County Hospital Maternity Ward! When they clinched, you could hear a distinct squishing sound. This fight looked like the tranny actress, Divine from “Pink Flamingo” was fighting the version of himself/herself from “Hairspray.”

Phew! I think I’m done now.

Before Arreola apologists start writing me about how much he’s improved and how his weight really isn’t such a big issue, let me tell you chubby-chasers something; America’s highest-regarded Heavyweight hopeful shouldn’t look like he just got out of a pie eating contest. He’s our last chance for cryin’ out loud! If he can’t bring a title back to the USA, all we’re left with is Eddie Chambers and JD Chapman!

Oscar De la Hoya will announce his future this Tuesday, the 14th. Retirement or one more fight? I guess we’ll all know his future plans Tuesday afternoon. But wouldn’t it be a hoot if his big announcement was that he was going to now live his life as “Goldie,” his fishnet-wearing, gender-bending alter ego? Judging from his last performance, that’s not too far-fetched.

There’s not too much else happening in the sport, so I’ll close out this week’s column with my betting advice on the following fights:

April 25th- Jermian Taylor (-120) vs. Carl Froch (-110): Put it all on Taylor, but wait awhile before placing the bet. It’s almost even odds right now, but as the European bets start coming in, look for Froch to become the favorite. Then, you’ll clean up- Froch couldn’t beat Taylor on his best day. And this is coming from a Froch fan/ Taylor critic.

May 2nd- Manny Pacquiao (-230) vs. Ricky Hatton (+190): Pacquiao’s going to brutalize Hatton, but again, wait to make your bet. Right now, -230 is not that great, but as Vegas begins to fill with drunken Brits, expect those odds to drop to around -190.

May 9thChad Dawson (-800) vs. Antonio Tarver (+500): This is going to surprise some of you, but take your baby- sitting money and let it ride on Tarver. Dawson’s chin is too suspect to be such a favorite against Tarver. I wouldn’t bet my whole roll on this, but a 50 buck bet to win 250 is not bad- And if you lose, you’ll just have to skip your nice dinner and head out to the belly-busting, colon-grinding Circus Circus buffet.

June 2othWladimir Klitschko (-260) vs. David Haye (+200): Common betting philospohy- Never bet on a fight between two screw-ups. So, I wouldn’t touch this one. However, I’d jump all over the 8 1/2 under at +150. If this fight goes more than 6, it’ll be a miracle; More than 8 rounds and it’ll only be because both guys tripped and sprained their ankles, preventing them from attacking.

So, there! I made you rich and you haven’t done a damn thing for me! A nice 10% would do just fine- Just enough to set another aviation record by once again going “Around the World” from the comfort of my own hotel room.

Alright, Kiddies, That’s enough from me. Too much and you’ll start getting all clingy- like Chris Arreola’s wet boxers to his blubbery behind…

See ya next Sunday.

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